Now I don't know a lot about association football but I see that the game between Toilettrader Hotspurts up the Arse has been called orf! Uncle Monty will be beside himself, there's nothing he likes more than fit young men in shorts prancing like tits! #NLD #TOTARS #WithnailandI

Danny's cooking onions and carrots for lunch! #WithnailandI

Under study Danny Dyer why can't I play the Doctor?! #WithnailandI #DrWho

Never mind that Boris, just bring out the cake and fine wines! #WithnailandI #BorisJohnson

I wouldn't do that Miss Blennerhassett, we're multimillionaires, we'll withdraw our donations, shut this party down!

I'm afraid I may be a tad responsible for old #Boris being in hot water! #WithnailandI #Cakegate #ambushedwithacake

There's nothing out there except a hurricane! #StormEunice #WithnailandI

I'm expecting a call up any day now, they'll need military types to deal with these Russians. Shouldn't be difficult all they do is stare out of windows & whine about ducks! #RussiaUkraineConflict #WithnailandI #CrackAtTheBoris

They have started recruiting media influencers into the Army in preparation for WWIII. The Queens Light Tiktokers are going completely over the top in the morning! #WWIII #UkraineRussiaWar

Right you fuckers I'm back! Where's my giro?! #WithnailandI

I told you! #WithnailandI #HappyChristmas

Why can't I be the new CEO of #Twitter? It's ridiculous. I've been to drama school. I'm good-looking!

Balls to my travel agent! I've been on holiday by mistake, again! #WithnailandI

You've got pronouns, why haven't I got any pronouns? #WiithnailandI

Danny has invented an alternative to Benylin, he's a genius, not only has it cleared my cough, I can see sounds now! #WithnailandI Danny The Dealer

How can it be so hot in here? It's like the Sahara in here. We've got to get some booze. It's the only solution to this intense heat. #WithnailandI #Heatwave

Birmingham: You've got Hs2, why haven't I got any Hs2 Manchester: Cutbacks! #Hs2 #ToryPartyConference #WithnailandI

I want something's flesh! #SundayLunch #WithnailandI

I told you! I told you I was going to be a star! #WithnailandI #BallstoXmas

It's like Greenland out there! #WithnailandI #SNOW