PEOPLE ARE COMING FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD AND PEOPLE ARE COUNTING ON ME NOT TO FUCK UP LMAO LMAO LMAO

I got promoted the day after a boss said I was going to get a written warning for bad performance.... ??????????????????????????????????

I adopted a kitten 2day and after while reading his health report, saw that his birthday is the exact same day as mine. it's fate. &cat tax:

I'm sorry, but please fire the person who didn't call this design "avocatoes"

My cat, master hunter he is, jumped up on my desk, saw himself in the mirror and did the back arch+poof manoeuvre. Like ??? It u, ya butt.

"WHO IS THIS IMPOSTER WHO LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE ME, I MUST FIGHT HIM" first of all u weigh like 2lbs ur not fighting anyone

God bless girls that know what they want, esp if what they want is to fuck me, tbh

Honestly I need this girl to stay single or non-monog for life so she can just come sleep with me every time she's in town. (If she wants) Come to think about it, I've never actually asked if she was single...

Also i stopped using tumblr and I'm fucking bored so you're getting all my random shit tonight congrats, enjoy.

dude it's the sniper lady from overwatch

Remember when we used to be mad that social media was mostly photos of people’s meals, and now when we see photos of people’s meals on social media we’re like, “Oh my god. Thank you so much for this brief respite from the unending nightmare.”

When a Telltale game tells you “x won’t forget that.”

My schedule for the week: Weds doctors appt, Thursday meet with ex who demo'd my heart, Friday: get fired. I..Uh....ok

A little kid called me cool because I'm jackass enough to be still cycling, and honestly it's made my life.

I have a job interview for a job that is objectively "worse" than my current job but WAY more fulfilling tomorrow and let me tell you, the nerves, pls wish me luck, bless.

I feel like little kid me would think the fact that "riding bikes" is actually my job now is pretty damn cool. I like to do the things little kid me would have liked for my life.

Little kid me: So what do you do for a job?? Grown up me: "Idk like ride my bike a lot" Little kid me: