When your son leaves the compost bin open, you get uninvited guests.

The age when boys turn into bottomless pits is 10. I know this because my twin boys turned 10 in March and since then my grocery bill has risen 35%. In addition to feeding my bottomless pits, I'm often also feeding their friends. I refer to them as the neighborhood strays.

i thought i share at how my dad reacted to finding out my sister is pregnant, best father’s day gift ever

If taking 37 minutes to watch a 6 minute video sounds like fun, having children may be right for you.

13: Did you know that Miley Cyrus' dad sings too? Me: Yep. He's trying to make a comeback is he? 13: Comeback? Me: *pulls up Spotify and hits play on Achey Breaky Heart* 13: Is this a joke? Like a spoof? Me: *laughs and cranks the volume while she runs from the room*

It doesn't matter how big your garage is, if you're married to a mechanic you can be damn sure there will be tools on your kitchen counter.

We're trying to make plans to go camping this weekend so I've been watching the weather forecast. 9am: Cloudy, slight chance of a little rain. 11am: Downpour expected all weekend. 1230pm: Rain Saturday, hot Sunday, rain Monday.

My grocery store doesn't have an aisle 13. Is this common?

Can you tell the rodeo is on? 🤣

Sitting in the ER with my 4yo, he just bent over at the waist in a crowded waiting room and let go the loudest, most rank fart I've ever smelled in my life. So that was fun.

4yo handed me this and said "Mommy, you have my heart"

My husband was saying how he can't believe that our 4yo is headed to kindergarten in September, how time goes so fast. He then proceeded to buy a guinea pig and adopt a cat. If this is how he's going to cope, we're gonna need a bigger house.

We're getting a guinea pig tomorrow so we were brainstorming ideas qith the kids for names. My 10yo decided that "Einswine" was a great name. I'm so proud.

I'm making lasagna for dinner. My 12yo comes in, sees what I'm doing and says "You know, lasagna is just spaghetti flavoured cake." And you know what? She's right.

My cat's meow sounds like a person doing a bad impression of a cat meowing.

When your cat is curled up and sleeping on your bare legs and then all of a sudden, the claws dig in...

It's mid-July. Why won't he wear runners?!

I'm not qualified to be an adult. I ate cookies too close to dinnertime and spoiled my appetite.

I bought my twins new pants. They're too long so I decided to hem them. I don't have a sewing machine, so I spent 4 days hemming them by hand. As I completed the last pair, I realized that I didn't prewash them before hemming. They're gonna shrink, I know it.

My 13yo just came home from school and told me that her French teacher can't speak French. 🤷‍♀️😳🤦‍♀️