I was the first comedian to ask if anyone is from out of town

yes I remember the bad things and forget the good things so what

1 gorilla vs 100 more days of Trump

Fool me once i kill myself on the spot

Finally! A little help for the super ripped

“A plane has just hit the World Trade Center”

Tell the chef I said mid

I love speaking too soon, “yeah I guarantee it” I’ll say, about to make a fool of myself

I wouldn’t encourage anyone to leave their comfort zone (bed)

*wildly insecure* lol idc

CHICAGO! Do the right thing and bring everyone you’ve ever met to this show

No honor among gooners

in the mirror talking to my 6 personalities:

imagine working up the courage to ask for someones number and they pull out a trump phone

*on the brink of WW3* Comedians: come to Pete’s Pasta Palace tonight! Show at 7!

Mainstream media outlets continue to ignore how easily I could kick Donald Trump’s ass

starting a new movie review series, please go over and subscribe!

🎵 when you try to cheat but you don’t succceeeeedd 🎵