I hope jjdummyacct presides over Donald J. Trump’s eventual case. That’ll be the television of the century!

I just witnessed a cat walking backwards along a footpath, slipping backwards beneath a gate and running backwards into a house. All whilst looking at me. End times?

I ducking hate autocorrect so much!!

White people always say ‘God, where’s the Year gone?’

Would we really class ‘tell me what you think about me, I buy my own diamonds and I buy my own rings’ as a question? Or is it actually more of a command? Thoughts?

Controversial but: when it comes to Vix, I actually prefer the formula 43... 🤷🏽‍♂️

Fridge: Meep Meep. Me: Would you shut the fuck up? I'm trying to clean you.

I know I'm late to the party but have finally started watching Full House. It really is as good as the buzz. 'How Rude?!' haha. 'You got it dude' lol

Downing my vitamin pills with coke because fuck you

Reject being hoodwinked by the diamonds Jennifer Lopez has proclaimed for she has not changed from when she was far less privileged.

Day #13 of the Coronavirus Self Quarantine: ‘just had a meal of baking soda and expired couscous from the back of the pantry mixed with the remnants of black bean sauce from 2016, found at the back of the fridge.’

I'm just gonna ask what we're all thinking: why are the clogs the clever ones in the shoe family?

lol

The South Island really loves its fudge and specialty fudge stores.

i call a spade a shovel

You exist because of a long line of orgasms.

Just for once I want orcas to get their asses handed to them by another sea creature…

Apparently one of the games in Squid Games 2 is getting through the self service checkout without it requesting assistance or you needing to push the button about using your own bag.

why wasn't I asked to be on fboy island? 🤔

Have finally signed up to Twitter! Where you at my peeps? Who's good to follow?