Why are you mad I forgot about Valentines Day, honey? Who cares? Just look at the Dow

Please Elon Musk explain why my Cybertruck plays a video of people almost getting ran over whenever I go into reverse? Am I missing an update or something?

There are venomous butterflies. The toxicity level is location-based. If found on the lower back, or hip, stay away.

We're confirming Aliens 👽 exist before we get Grand Theft Auto 6

Just lost my job at Hasbro. I was in charge of making sure the action figures accessories fit improperly

Woke up because I got a price alert! Excellent prices on trips to Mexico

Been thinking about how pyrotechnics would have been the perfect over the top addition to The State of the Union address

Girls used to wear pink on Wednesdays

There's a hole in my heart that needs to be filled once the reality of no more football on Sundays hits

Just got a new part-time position at Costco. I am in charge of moving the Babybel cheese's location three times a week.

OK ladies, he's on to us. Scatter!

One Piece live action on Netflix is obnoxious, over the top, and cheesy. I don't like it... I LOVE IT

You know you're old when you have to switch to decaf

I'm one week without coffee. People who don't drink coffee, I know now why you cry

I like asking my Asian friends what they ate for lunch cause they'll name something I've never heard of or use two words I've hadn't heard together before like Duck Sandwich

This lives rent free in my head

I don't talk about it much, but I'm a Gangnum Style survivor

My uncles ordered pay-per-view. When the Tyson fight started, they asked my not so tech savvy dad to raise the volume. Instead, he changed the channel. Dad panicked and couldn't figure how to change it back. My uncle took the remote and changed it back but the fight was over 😒

How many states are there in the United States of America? Did you say 50? WRONG The correct answer is 51. Hawaii, Alaska, 48 Mainland plus the Deep State.

One thing I learned from our Japanese X exchange is that they think we are silly for thinking ninja are real; which is something a ninja would say