Trinity Square, Gateshead. Absolutely magnificent public convenience. Could have eaten your dinner off the floor. Fresh smelling, splash mats, and clearly used to receiving good feedback. 9/10 - knocked a point off because they knocked the car park down.

Crows Nest, Percy Street, Newcastle. Lovely pub but oppressive toilets due to the very low basement ceiling. Quite smelly as well. Had a nice chat with a man about hand driers though. 3/10.

The Schooner, South Shore Road, Gateshead. Very lucky to get this snap as the toilets were packed for the rest of the afternoon. Could have done with being a bit bigger but they were reasonable. 4/10.

The Laithwaite Community Stadium, Woking. Not the worst I’ve been in this season but not brilliant. At least they weren’t flooded. 3/10.

GUEST REVIEW from Jack Colledge! And it’s an exotic one… “Camp Nou, Barcelona. “As far as football ground bogs these were great. Individual flushing urinals and very clean, although this was about 40 mins before the match. “Solid 8/10 (+1 for the extra time Barca winner.)”

The Blue Anchor, Hammersmith. Nice enough, but very small. Really only space for one in, one out. No splash mats, wouldn’t want to be wearing shorts. 5/10.

The Fox and Crown, Sutton-in-Ashfield. A very long trough in what can only be described as a very liminal space. 2/10.

The Chigwell Construction Stadium, Victoria Road, Dagenham. Old school, and I like them. Suited the majority of the stadium. A bit piss-soaked though, which has affected the score. There were some new ones in the away fans bar that I couldn’t photograph 4/10.

The Sutton Arms, Great Sutton Street, London EC1V. A standard affair, but a sensational pub. If I recall correctly (it’s over a month since I visited), the handdryer was absolutely useless. 5/10.

Public toilets, Madeira Drive, Brighton. Can’t be specific about which toilets because I can’t remember but a public convenience is appreciated. However the ones on Brighton seafront leave a lot to be desired, and you know some dark shit has gone down in them. 3/10.

Crystal Palace Bowl, watching Primal Scream. Great venue with excellent facilities and a good view of the band. 8/10.

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Victoria Rd, Dagenham & Redbridge FC. Old school! Nothing modern here, and I like it. Goes well with the majority of the ground, despite the away stand being modern. I’d also note that there were some new ones in the bar area that weren’t as piss-soaked. Still just 4/10.

The Sun Hotel, Hitchin. Wedding bogs. 10/10 because of Evie’s toiletries/Hot Wheels addition.

That Urinal Smashing.

Jimmy’s Corner, W 44th Street, New York 10036 Just the one pisser in this fantastic dive bar. Plenty of interesting stickers and I added a Darmstadt Delinquents sticker of my own - I’m sad I don’t have any town ones. 8/10.

Balthazar, Spring Street, New York City 10012. Very nice floor length pissoirs, designed for classy blokes like David Beckham and Leo DiCaprio. 8/10.

Insane feature in the boozer

U Rudolfina, Křižovnická 60/10, Prague 1. Very old school, very fresh, big simultaneous flush made me feel like a champion. 8/10.

GUEST SUBMISSION from Philip Colledge! “Keighley Railway Station Platform 4. Nice vintage pissers with splash guards to protect your shoes. Seems like folks still piddle on the floor though. 6/10”