the real way me and kerb met ..

staying at my friend’s house in jersey tonight and when she told her mom her only reply was “wait do i have to make chicken cutlets?”

yelling at the tv screen telling the characters in scream (a movie i’ve seen a minimum of 37 times) to run, call the police, and/or fight back

used “intensive repair” shampoo on my bald head. hoping for the best

got to stop hanging out with the british and irish because if i’m anything in this world it’s a vocal inflection copycat

I love New York I always will but like why is every single bar packed to the max and you cannot move…. jw

i get it, ripping a fat piss in the urinal feels freaking AWESOME. but i don’t need to hear u moaning and groaning in the laguardia terminal a men’s bathroom. it’s bad here enough

high as hell at fam dinner trying to act chill saying shit like “mmmm that’s what the doctor ordered!”

people who stand on the moving walkway are the strangest people in the world

couldn’t find my bed chapstick so had to walk to my desk and get my desk chapstick to bring to my bed to play her role as understudy for bed chapstick.. god i just fucked up the feng shui so much

thinking about what kerianne’s hair color is rn….. i don’t know

what

holy christ

first time playing fortnite in quite some time and yk what i ain’t half bad …

heterosexual couples at the gym….. somehow taking up every inch of space…… somehow also using each piece of equipment… and somehow yet also no equipment….. somehow also at the same time..

i want a letterboxd for canned soups. somebody get to work

every time i want yogurt at night my first instinct is to google “can i have yogurt at night” it’s really making me question if anything happened in my childhood

sneezed while using mouthwash. whole house got good breath

oh shut the fuck up