Few economic indicators are more telling than the fact that HGTV now has a show called “Why the heck did I buy this house?!”

#cryptocurrency , though a revolutionary technology that will likely come to have many practical uses, is an unspeakably bad investment vehicle. If I make 100 bets and win all of them, it was still 100 bad ideas. If you "hit" on 20 and get an Ace, you were still wrong to hit.

I love how the airline acts like they're doing you this huge favor...by letting you on the airplane...and flying you to your destination...and allowing (gasp) LUGGAGE! Like you didn't just give them $987.

Go ahead and add "people who take showers because they're cold" to my long list of pet peeves.

I would just like to say that I was and remained a Tom Cruise fan during and after the putting-his-feet-on-Oprah’s-furniture era.

Apart from apparently having no marksmanship training, Stormtroopers’ standard issue body armor appears to offer zero protection and only serves to restrict their movement.

Ok but if you go to therapy and fix your mental health issues, you’ll just have to think of a new desperate attention grab.

I just dreamt I was taking the SAT. Despite the vivid detail of all 6 hrs of it, it was actually pleasant as there was an equally vivid feeling of doing really well. I woke suddenly during a final writing portion & was momentarily convinced I needed to fall back asleep to finish.

Oaxaca. Zona de gentrificación.

"Describe the internet in the most succinct possible way."

“Would you like your reading light activated or tray table unlocked for $8?” - airlines in 10 years

"Would you like your overhead light and tray table unlocked for $9 dollars?" - Flight attendants in 10 years

Dallas is a cartoon of the US.

Taking a look at the NFL postseason picture, if the season ended right now, guess who the Vikings would play in the Wildcard round? Yep, Kirk Cousins and f***ing Atlanta Falcons. Can you imagine?

The moment weed was legalized in the US I stopped smoking it; because I realized that most of the appeal of getting stoned for me was that I “wasn’t supposed to”. So I ask, do we REALLY want to “free the nipple”?

I was just reminded of the time I met Maluma two years ago and experienced a very brief but intense cognitive dissonance where I was like, “Am I gay?”

Zach Braff was so pleased with his sensitive little wallflower playlist, instead of burning a CD like a normal person, he made the entire movie Garden State, just to force us to listen to his new favorite bands, which I’m sure he was convinced he’d “discovered”…huge doucherocket

For all the unfathomable value and wealth tech companies have created and spent on top talent, their single greatest contribution was the ability of the user to “Mark as Unread”.

Governor Tim Walz the internet's favorite pastime is mistaking a well-formatted bio for a security clearance we are all just roleplaying at this point