Twitter doesn’t work anymore and I don’t have a lot of time so is Trump in trouble or what? Please advise.

I think maybe I just won’t send my kids to school cuz

Collapse already

So there’s a bill in SC proposing women be executed for having an abortion? And we aren’t in the streets. Are they putting something in the water? Has our society just become so disjointed that we’re all complacent? WHAT IS HAPPENING?!!

There should be a monthly subscription club for people with a dog that eats their underwear.

All I want for Mother’s Day is a lot of socks.

He’s looking extra crispy.

What is it called when your society keeps trying to make movements by saying WE’RE FED UP, and we DEMAND action but then nothing happens so you just stop feeling? What’s the word for that?

Hello, how do I boycott American please? But also live and eat?

You know how all through human history children have played together in huge groups, in neighborhoods, in the street, etc? I know it’s Reagan’s fault but why have we lost that?

Hello, are ppl still using Twitter? Can I come back?

Forgive me Father for I have sinned, I’ve listened to three John Mayers.

I accidentally signed up for Instacart Plus after I couldn’t figure out how to cancel my trial and figured I hadn’t signed up after all. Now I just lay in bed and go…hmmm maybe I need snacks from Walgreens, don’t mind if I do. Best accident ever.

Laying in bed, listening to see if I hear the Lifeflights from Lewiston flying down to Boston. What have we become.

The same state of Alabama which just executed Kenneth Smith via nitrogen gas asphyxiation would like you to know that frozen embryos are “children” because as per the Bible, human life cannot be destroyed without incurring the wrath of a Holy God.

I love how everyone is like oh yeah it’s a “cyber attack”. It’s gonna be realllly tough for grandpas to get us behind whatever (other) war they’re doing.

How we talked about the dog when his autoimmune disease flared.

Breaking: U.S. military airlifting emergency lozenge to President Biden. #SOTU2024

Kamala’s got a real clapping robot vibe tonight.

I told the ceo of DuPont ‘tear down that wall’ and all 183 ceos nodded