Do they make underwear with pockets in them for if you don’t wanna wear pants? Cause honestly....if not...missed opportunity.

Just woke up from a 4 hour nap. Or it could have been 20 minutes. I honestly have no idea.

The problem with Oreos is...that mine are all gone and it’s too late to go to the store.

Is Gucci making $1000 face masks yet or what? I need people to assume that I’m high status even in a global pandemic.

Hey girrrrl....are you in Quarantine? Cause you’re the only QuaranTEN I see. Boom nailed it. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

Girrrrl....You must be an N95...cause you take most of my breath away.

How do I disable the iPhone screen time report during quarantine...I don’t need that kinda negativity in my life.

I’ve lost 10lbs using my patented new meal plan!!! It’s called the “I’m tired of cooking so I just don’t eat and come to think of it I’m out of food but I’m too lazy to go to the store ‘cause did I mention I’m sick of cooking?” Plan! Like and Follow for more tips!!!

Just realized that when new TV shows eventually DO air again, people are going to be wearing masks and social distancing...like...IN the shows. Maybe just me but I don’t need that kinda negativity in my life. #socialdistancing

**Sees obvious thirst trap Me: DAYAMMMMMM where’d she get that Mask?!

A gym....but cold like a grocery store.

All the best things in my life have come as a result of me saying to myself “how hard could it be?”...and then it was hard...but doable......and worth it.

The real reason I want a Blue Check Mark? So I can comment stuff to celebrities like I know them and people assume that I actually know them cuz we’re both verified.

Did anyone ever consider giving the moderator a Mute button?

Ok thanks...now if you’ll excuse me I’m headed find a late night sensory deprivation spa. #Debate2020

In the next debate, the moderator(s) have to have the power to cut the mics.

I wanna be on Joe Rogan’s podcast so that he’ll tell me about some dope-ass product I didn’t know I needed, and then he’ll say “I’ll give you one I’ve got one in the back”. ...Also wanna go bow hunting with him and Steven Rinella. These are my life goals.

Normalize saying “I don’t know” as an answer to a question you don’t know the answer to....

Yesterday at the gym, I threw a balled up paper towel at a trash can from 20ft away and freakin drained it then continued on as if it was casual everyday life....gosh I hope someone saw that.