Learned today at the dentist that being almost 47 with all my original factory teeth is a major flex. Is the group that small?

GOOD

Oh. Well. The blame for that is on Mommy and Daddy. Do not be upset with us for still not wanting you here. Cry harder but from the plane please. Thanks.

Ahhh the fun childhood game of finding shapes in the clouds. Today’s been excellent for it! Look at all these naturally occurring shapes and patterns!

It’s too late to care about that now

Nurse practitioners need to stop pretending they are doctors. The end

At my toddler’s pediatric appointment, the doctor commented that my 3-year-old was “built strong” and said, “She’s going to be a curvy one.” I felt my stomach drop. I asked him not to talk about my child’s body like that and requested a different provider. The pushback didn’t

Absolutely not. True intimacy is born over time with one person. The Same Person. Every time. You have to learn someone and just like a job or profession you don’t do that the first time you put hands on a skill. It takes time, patience, actually giving a shit helps too.

Let me be very clear. If bringing down the largest child sex trafficking ring in history will “collapse the world as we know it” then the world as we know it needs to collapse.

Filed my first lawsuit this morning. Call me SamanthaofSarcasm, Esquire

On the phone with my Gram this evening, she’s 91. She just casually drops ‘well when Daddy was born in the 1800’s’ (he lived to be 102). Crazy to think what they’ve seen.

This has been the chant for going on 15-16 years now. We aren’t going to do anything and yall know it. Now go call people names and get your soy latte.

Is there a trick to cutting off the tip of the caulk?