sad-a-saurus (@sad_saurus) 's Twitter Profile
sad-a-saurus

@sad_saurus

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ID: 1191830868475686912

linkhttps://twitter.com/search?q=from%3Asad_saurus%20-filter%3Areplies&f=live calendar_today05-11-2019 21:33:23

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sad-a-saurus (@sad_saurus) 's Twitter Profile Photo

Me: I’m excited for the bears this year Friend: Yeah! They’ve made lots of big trades and their draft shou- Me: Hope those scary beasts get to eat a bunch of salmon and berries

sad-a-saurus (@sad_saurus) 's Twitter Profile Photo

Guard 1: One of us always lies and one of us always tells the truth Guard 2: That shirt looks dumb on you and I hate it. You also look like the kind of guy that still thinks he can play football. Me: Oh. I’m guessing he tells the tru- Guard 1: *sigh* yeah you can go through

sad-a-saurus (@sad_saurus) 's Twitter Profile Photo

Me: when you lose a tooth you put it under your pillow for the tooth fairy! Son: what do you do when you lose your sense of wonder? Me:

sad-a-saurus (@sad_saurus) 's Twitter Profile Photo

Why is popcorn the only socially acceptable food to eat like a crazed monkey scooping out the insides of a coconut? We should broaden the list

sad-a-saurus (@sad_saurus) 's Twitter Profile Photo

You know how our phones have a hard time taking a picture of another screen? And you know how you can’t take a good picture of the moon? Ain’t no way that’s a space rock.

sad-a-saurus (@sad_saurus) 's Twitter Profile Photo

Odysseus: [tying me to the mast as a siren deterrent] Me: I bet Jason and the Argonauts say “Fleece Navidad” at Christmas Odysseus: That’ll do it

sad-a-saurus (@sad_saurus) 's Twitter Profile Photo

𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟒 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐘𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐃𝐫𝐚𝐠𝐨𝐧 As in I’m dragon everyone else down with me

sad-a-saurus (@sad_saurus) 's Twitter Profile Photo

Me: *knocking on a peanut butter jar like a glass ketchup bottle for hours* Come on Wife: *giving me one last tearful look as she steps out the door forever*