Doctor: do you exercise? Me: oh yeah I do all of them, the push-offs, plonks Doctor: Me: cronchies Doctor: I'm gonna put no Me: ok

after much consideration of my past behavior and reflection over the years i am proud to announce i have decided to become worse

Password must contain a symbol, a number, an emotional arc, a centralized theme, a big set piece, a male lead "struggling w/inner demons" & a strong female character.

Me begging people to take pictures of me only for me to turn around and pose like this

I ain’t met one actual rich person yet that had “entrepreneur” in their bio , I’m just saying

Just changed my email automatic reply to “Don’t ask me about Yeezys right now”

Old, but good

Cancel student debt. All of it.

niggas be like it’s just a post the post: I hate my bitch 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

sometimes i forget i can speak arabic until i’m on tiktok and some arabic song starts playing and i’m like… wait…

Shout out to everyone who pictures scallions when they hear the word “shallots.”

i’m honestly a pretty productive person except for if there’s even one noise or sound

one of the weird things about the musk vs gates beef is anti-vaxxers think gates is injecting microchips into ppl and cheering on musk, who is literally working on implanting chips in ppl's brains

Have never done this somewhat silly Twitter thing before, but RT if you believe in the separation of church and state

im all elbows in a busy trader joe's. im pummeling people. im kicking im murdering

going to marry into wealth so I can afford a one bedroom

You just know this dude is rolling in Kohl's Cash.