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It's Friday the 13th. I'm required to remind you of my favorite thread on Twitter. Since it's very broken up now, I've pieced it together. 🧵1/2

When TV shows and movies have a disclaimer saying "intended for mature audiences only" I feel personally attacked.

Grok how do I work this? Grok where is that large automobile? Grok this is not my beautiful house Grok this is not my beautiful wife

No Grok, I made that up

In honor of Jason’s day, I thought I’d share some of my “Friday the 13th” inspired parody posters, memes and other nonsense I’ve made, throughout the day. Starting with this one…

Happy Friday the 13th

The manager of the hardware store unlocks the doors to open on Father's Day and watches as dozens of dads emerge instantly, seemingly from thin air. He knows today will be a good day, as no dad will ask him where to find anything.

You watch as someone puts on 1 sock AND the shoe while the other foot is still barefoot. How does that make you feel?

How long until Robotaxi is exposed as just guys in India driving remotely?

Son, it's your 16th birthday so I bought you a brand new car... "OMG DAD. REALLY?" ...ton of eggs. "..." Make me an omelet birthday boy.

Happy Father's day to all the dads out there trying to keep the front door closed so u don't AIR CONDITION THE WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD. COME ON

It's the year 3420, Father's day is now celebrated as a way of remembering all the dads that we lost in the Great Grill Wars of 2369.

once again the fashion industry sets unrealistic expectations for women

The year 2367. Donald Trump is well into his 87th term as president. His cybernetic limbs shine in the sunlight. His hair remains unchanged.

Things dads like to do: - go fishing - cook on the grill - kidnap your sister - cut your hand off - ask you to join the dark side

I'd give anything to hear George Carlin talk about President Trump.