What if I just start tweeting again? Just get it out there. It's a crazy time in my life and I probably need an outlet

Am I going crazy? I don't think so. I've always been very good at avoiding going crazy. Knowing which mental paths not to take

Love is challenging me to grow like crazy right now. I'm stretched and stretched and stretched. Must remember to come back to love and okayness. Or else the growth doesn't flow

I'm afraid people will be worried about me. I hate when people are worried about me. Especially in situations where I'm trying to do something dangerous in a safe enough way. It's not a helpful energy. I want trust and encouragement. Maybe worry in the service of that

I don't know what to do. I'm stretched to my limit. Except I probably do know. Otherwise I wouldn't be here

I basically don't know how to speak most of the time. I may do it and it may appear eloquent and precise but it probably doesn't resonate that strongly with my experience. Because I don't know how to do that. My throat and mind filled a gap in my spirit but now what?

Why does anger have to be necessary? Why does it have to be needed to create space? Couldn't you have created a love that didn't need anger to be in its service?

How do I give people my weight? Lean on them more? Vulnerability is the answer but the pain is deep. Until 2023 someone actually being truly there for me, my whole self, was not even something that I knew could be possible. I just woke up 4 years before knowing that something

Enjoying my mistrust of others

"mistrust regulates the nervous system by creating distance - further disassociating them from their body." Squirming away. Not showing what is there. The mistrust, the skepticism, the cynicism, the shame, the shyness, the anger, the hatred. Mistrust to not be received well

Learning to regulate myself in ever expanding contexts. Being challenged to step up to that

A love that doesn't let me so easily slip away. It feels dangerous because creating distance is such a crucial part of my regulation. But I know I it's time to learn to move through what it's hiding so I can be more here. A love that respects my craving for space but doesn't buy

Exploration

I am dysregulated and that's ok. I can acknowledge that and love myself in it. I am allowed to be dysregulated. It's fine. And I am also allowed to want to be regulated. To feel what's underneath the armor

I need co-regulation. I'm afraid to ask for it. I feel I can't be dysregulated when I ask for connection and co-regulation. Often it has in fact gone badly. That's ok