Ellinois: Land of Melk & Honey

Ahead of the 2022 MLB #AllStarGame, Mookie Betts wore a shirt that read: "We Need More Black People at the Stadium" [📸: Jorge Castillo x Mookie Betts]

Pillar is at least the ninth major leaguer since 1985, and third for the Blue Jays in six years, to have sustained an injury by sneezing. cbssports.com/mlb/news/sneez…

Should we start a GoFundMe to help the Cubs meet what Contreras is asking for? My youngest has nicknamed him "clutch".

Given the amount of napkins from multiple eateries I have stashed in my purse, I must come to terms with the fact that I've become my Grandpa (albeit a progressive, non-racist, and queer version).

People who are bad creepy ruin it for those of us who are good creepy. Stop ruining creepy for us.

Hey @BoogSciambi, we're Cubs fans living in STL. My youngest loves when Sutcliffe is on TV because they inherited this from their older siblings. Also, thanks for signing their hat in Chicago last weekend!

TIL: Lady bugs are called "ladybirds" in the UK...tf richie ?

TIL: One of my all-time favorite books to read to my kids, The King of Capri, was written by Jeanette Winterson!

Good news: Psychotherapy has me to where I can detect a subtle triggered state + I can see how that affects otherwise innocuous situations x y & z Bad news: I can no longer exist as an ignorant & oblivious asshole who's having a shitty day b/c situations x y & z pissed me off

My gf: The fact that you're insane doesn't make me love you any less

Returning to TFW you have to look up words sent to you by GenZs on urban dictionary to see if they're slang or typos of actual words.

Cleveland Guardians right fielder Oscar Gonzalez has the Spongebob Squarepants theme song as his walk-up music 😂 (ESPN)

I saw an influencer post curated photos of themselves under the caption "Life unfiltered". If there isn't a pic of you shouting "Ah, for fuck's sake!!" when your kid spills apple juice on the table, it's definitely filtered!

I wonder if Odin ever ask an 8yo Thor "Did you comb through your hair well when you took your bath tonight?"

Reminder to my future self: It's not the best idea to create a healthgrades review of your doctor whilst still coming out of your anesthesia haze.

For those interested in #mastadon, here's an invite to the server I'm on. Don't miss out on my future bangers! mastodon.social/invite/bhSKNF7f

I was laid off from Twitter this afternoon. I was in charge of managing badge access to Twitter offices. Elon just called me and asked if I could come back to help them regain access to HQ as they shut off all badges and accidentally locked themselves out.

Hello Varsity Tutors . Can you please respond to any of my requests for account assistance and stop charging my account? Thanks in advance!

It's the season of giving! We have ONE limited-edition ULTRA-RARE blind bear fitted cap we are giving away! Like and retweet for a chance to win! Winner announced Friday at 12pm EDT. #SmokiesBaseball