me when my friend hasn’t touched the side pickle that came with their meal

funhouse mirrors in my home but make it classy

i don't know how many more 'surprise' duets on public piano videos I can endure

the 4th installment of spider-man where miles morales goes to college Spider-Man: Lacrosse the Universe

Poetic contrast of the noisy student party next door vs six people in their mid to late twenties listening to my flatmate trying to harmonise to Fleetwood Mac with his harmonica by candlelight in the garden at midnight

harvesting little socks and the odd t-shirt from the clothes horse until I can find the energy to put the full load away

the hierarchy in this flat is insane, the spider in the bathroom has more rights than I do. My flatmates won't get rid of it because it's lived here longer than me, is 'sound' and makes better webs than I do

Never forget 🫡

Did they kiss though

Wasps nest in the living room last month, wasps nest in my bedroom wall this month, but the one that really sent me over the edge was the wasp that dive bombed into my cuppa less than 5 seconds after setting it on the coffee table I HATE WASPS

No one had ordered a bottle of wine in so long at the local working men's club that a, it was the only bottle they could find and b, they had to open it with a screw from the store cupboard because they didn't have a bottle opener An embarrassing situation for everyone involved

Listening to real survival stories podcasts at work being completely insufferable by reminding everyone that yes, I would have survived that bear attack because I was awarded my gold d of e

I fixed the electricity for the whole flat this morning while the MEN sat around and panicked in despair. Happy international women's day to me

I've been watching too many earwax videos

I need a good excuse because I don't think 'sorry I'm late I was trying to best my high score on minesweeper' is gonna cut it

went to see a quiet place day 1 today, I wish the aliens could have killed the man on my row that brought a foot long egg salad sandwich into the cinema

considering doing what i eat in a day as a chef but after eating a sausage roll, a cheese and onion pastie, 3 marshmallows and a bowl of green beans yesterday I don't think I should be allowed

me at turnstile