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Diary Log - Crashed on a strange and mysterious planet. Dangerously low quantities of Rattler cider on board. Is this the end?

Diary Log 2 - This brat is still alive. Don’t remember her name - Lukki? Tanni? Millie? Valerie? All I know is that she’s not a sigma like me 🔥🔥

I have been stuck on Dido for far too long now

Diary Log 3 - Annoying German guy came to annoy me today, challenged me to Top Trumps. I won, of course, so he ran away and started mumbling ‘You are the One Who Waits (For A Rescue Ship)’

I’d have killed those goblins with hammers, that’s for sure

On the first of March you will start to develop a cough

Don’t believe the rumours

Rumours are circling about me starring in Paddington 3. All I say is, watch this space 😉

I’ll have one caramel koquilliato, please

Never been more embarrassed in my life

The little space rodent had it coming