Boss: Can you come in today? Me: No can do, I have a full schedule unfortunately

i don't get enough credit for acting far less crazy than I actually am

This is the most wild start to an NFL season of all time. First play of the game, one player is carted off, the other ejected. I mean everyone knows you don’t spit, you swallow obvi

Me firing off parlays now that football is back x.com/br_betting/sta…

Travis Kelce heard Taylor Swift was hyped about Xavier Worthy and immediately took him out Week 1 💀

got a whole Big Mac in my pocket, saving that thing for later

obtuse rubber goose green moose guava juice giant snake birthday cake large fries chocolate shake

You don’t need a perfect partner. You need someone who can regulate their emotions, admit when they fuck up, & actually sit with uncomfortable conversations without shutting down, flipping it on you, or throwing low blows every time shit gets real.

baby i was the line leader in kindergarten u fw a real winner

havin a gf cool af. her ass fat AND she funny

disappoínted but not surprised.

Lack of consideration will kill any bond we have, I’m not reminding you to act like you care about me

i think i'm afraid to be happy because whenever i get too happy, something bad always happens.

Fanduel right now

"that's ok i understand" but it actually made me sick to my stomach

One of the realist things I've ever been told is that "friends come and go"

Inbound pass off the defender's back. Too smooth! @GBHS_LP_BBall