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Far too often people want you to lower your expectations on how they’ve mistreated you when you need to be raising the bar on how they show you they’re sorry.

Kids can’t name abuse in homes where it’s the norm. Stop this bullshit about “why didn’t you tell someone” when all they’ve ever known is they don’t have the right to ask for help and if they do they’ll pay a further price.

You doing the heavy lifting for others is not going to get them to respect or understand you. The only way for them to have a better sense of respect and understanding, is for them to do the heavy lifting themselves.

Family isn’t everything. Sometimes family holds the root to a persons greatest pain. Sometimes family is the place that lacked love but not abuse. There is great bravery in those who walk into the unknown in order to build a new life that protects them from this kind of family.

If you are a trauma survivor, it's likely need the reminder: You owe people much less than you think you do.

Peace is everything. Not family, not forgiveness, not anyone’s idea of who you should be to make them feel better about you. Peace. A calm mind. A clear conscience. A heart that is carefully protected. Just…peace.

There is no therapist, mentor, or friend that can heal you the way you can. The purest form of humanity can reflect back what you deserve, but healing your relationship with you is the goal. Life, past & present, will make more sense when your mind & body feel like home.

If you grew up in a home where people blamed you for their bad behavior, your healing is learning to no longer be responsible for how people behave. It will feel like a threat to stop reacting & rescuing people, but that is rescuing you the way you should’ve been a long time ago.

We need to stop teaching trauma survivors how to cope with parents & family who continually hurt them & teach the survivor how to demand respect. Or, (when able) remove themselves & establish new relationships that honor their boundaries & give them safe space to heal.

Don’t be sorry for speaking up about what was hurting you. Don’t be sorry for the way your body responds to your past. Don’t be sorry for needing more than what’s accessible. Don’t be sorry for taking breaks. Don’t be sorry that your story is too much for some. Don't be sorry.

Waiting for an apology is often giving someone more power when they’ve already shown you what they do with it.

If a father hurts his daughter, she doesn’t have daddy issues, he does.

No one loves as freely as a child. Their love is pure, intentional, and unassuming. When you hurt a child who is offering this, their pain is big like the love they give. No, people aren’t over their childhoods. They’re grieving over love that was used against them.

There is profound beauty and bravery in a wounded boy becoming a proud father and giving to his kids what he never got. Happy cycle breaking Father’s Day!

I hope you’re healing includes taking back what you never offered.

No one heals from a traumatic event by being told to change their emotions and/or response to it. Their emotions and response are often the only honest part of the equation and when respected and heard, they offer the relief and peace the person is desperately trying to find.

Asking an abuse survivor why they didn’t make different decisions while they were in relationship or dependent on their abuser, is the same thing as blaming them for being abused.

It can clear up a lot of confusion around childhood trauma, when you recognize abandonment is not just when someone walks away. It's also when someone who is meant to protect you, allows others to hurt you.

Stop telling child abuse survivors their parents did the best they could. Whether or not the parent(s) did their best is irrelevant to their adult child still paying the consequences. There’s no explanation that takes the trauma out of the survivors body. Stop pretending there is

Please don't spend your time trying to make sense to people who keep hurting you. Their behavior doesn't make sense. Their lack of remorse doesn't make sense. Their assumption that they can treat you poorly & still have a permanent place in your life, does not make sense.