Near future: “Sorry kids, we can’t pay for you to go to college because we just found out that, for years, we’ve been paying for HBO on seven different platforms.”

Two of my funny friends. I have a couple of nice mentions. podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bre…

Currently considering self-deportation.

If the price of eggs comes down this will all be worth it.

Headed to a better place… bsky.app/profile/mrchuc…

The question ‘who do I have to fuck to become the ambassador to Greece’ has been answered.

Ok. Who brought the mirror?

This. Is. Correct.

Great theater! Great audience!

Jeffries: You’re ripping health care away from millions of Americans, Mr. Speaker. Ripping food away from children and veterans and seniors. Raising the cost of utilities, of paying your energy bill. By hundreds of dollars, stripping away millions of jobs all across America and

They’re going to blow up the moon.

Jerry in action…

I have reached the point in my life where I can hate a total stranger instantly.

Germany 1933.

Germany 1933.

Declaring someone is ‘not funny’ (because you don’t like them) when they get laughs from huge audiences on a regular basis is really just an insult to your own intelligence.

The Kimmel ratings will be huge, which will not please king cheeto. 🍿

Seriously thinking about spending whatever it takes to be on that first rocket to Mars.

Tonight on Animal Planet there is a live show hosted by a bunny and music by a cat— no, wait. That’s on SNL.

My favorite gum - may have to find a new one.