Who said dog was gonna be man's best friend? Why couldn't seals be man's best friend? But I guess seals are basically sea dogs... so that makes sense.

Don't smack talk a tree... it'll throw shade

When you get 4 hours of sleep cuz of homework then have to make up for it by sleeping 10 hours the next night but get nothing done that day so you have to stay up late doing work and end up getting 4 hours of sleep the next night...

A girl looks for a good guy. A guy looks for a good girl. But neither looks to come half-way.

how i think i look in a bowtie. how i really look in a bowtie... like pinhead

What do you call truth that you can print? FAX

Turns out I just needed a nap

Tyrannosaurus Woof Poorcanine Dog Centipede x.com/floofboys/stat…

Customer: There's no lettuce on my sandwich. Employee: Sorry, there's none romaining. Customer: Stop this. Employee: If there's anyway that we can make up for it, lettuce know! Customer: Ok I need to speak to a manager right now.

The only one i will retweet x.com/premenere0/sta…

I feel like tweets are going to appear in history books in the future

That roller coaster of emotions that always ends in crying lol

Me: "Ok that was my last game of fortnite" Roomie: "Play one more ga-....." Me: "Ok you talked me into it" *picks up controller*