i would not love the eraserhead baby i could not be its mother

gang can’t know i listen to the darth plageuis audiobook to fall asleep

the bumping of a shin, the stubbing of a toe. these are the worst imaginable pains a person can experience.

i’d be miserable if i wasn’t stuck up and joyless. if i had joy, i’d be deeply unhappy.

the weather today is wonderful. unfortunately, physics exists and is ruining enjoying that for me.

it’s time to lock in on my retainer. it’s time to get to work.

one time i got my dad in trouble by accidentally intuiting exactly how sean connery sounds and doing a very accurate impersonation at age 7, despite not having seen the last crusade

i’m surrounded by typhoid marys for the woke mind virus

haven’t seen anyone correctly attributing her loss to the snl curse yet

lowkey experiencing gender as a stylized repetition of facts…

american sweethearts: 1. monica lewinsky 2. hawk tuah girl

i hate how emotions have genders now. wtf is “male loneliness”? get a job.

they must invent the seedless eggplant.

flop march madness is upon me once again

i didn’t cry when my parents told me they were divorcing but i do sob every time they start singing the marseillaise in casablanca

continuing to eat some jelly beans that are very beautiful but i don’t like the taste what does that say about me

natalie portman’s parents should be given prison time

i need a sage woman in her 50s to give me decisive, but unreasonable, advising because bridge over troubled water is no longer cutting it

David Griffiths. If you can hear me David Griffiths, please save me.

the lion does not concern himself with graduate application personal statements.