A weird thing about my life is every few years I show up on TBS

The balloon had sex with my wife. Shoot it down.

Carrie: they were saying it was a weather balloon Miranda: oh sure: “I’m a weather balloon”, “I’m ready for commitment”, guys will say anything Samatha: I’ll tell you what else got hit with a missile last night… Charlotte: Stop!

Carrie (vo): I couldn’t help but wonder: when it came to Big, could we float to the ocean, or would we get shot down?

The image of Edward Norton holding the Geico Gecko’s hand at the end of Fight Club suddenly popped into my head and then I felt compelled to make it.

It’s interesting how every election year the national media obsessively focuses on the swing-state politics of Ohio, but then when there’s a mushroom cloud of carcinogens detonated over Ohio, the same national media barely even mentions it.

a joke attributed to nasreddin, a medieval turkish humorist

My new special / album is out today. Hope you like it. Tell a friend. album.link/jokejokejoke

I've been heartbroken all day over Ahmad Shabat. An Israeli airstrike hit him, his parents and his four siblings. He survived, they didn't. Then they hit him and his father's relatives. He survived, they didn't. Then they hit him and his uncle. He survived, his uncle didn't.

Boy, now I say boy, another one of them aeroplanes done hit that big city World Trade Center

When I grow up I want to become Cate Blanchett, and have the subtlety to think the carpet is already red, so I can just wear a black & white dress with green lining to make such a strong point. #cannes2024

BREAKING: The House just passed an $895,000,000,000 Pentagon budget.

FACT: Ohio is for Union Lovers 😏✊ Following Columbus's win earlier today, the Westgate store in Toledo, OH just WON their union election!!!! AND WORKERS WON IT WITH A WILD 19-1 VOTE!!! LETS GO TOLEDO!!!!!!! pic.x.com/0LvFy5KNOL

Don’t stop talking about Palestine. Don’t stop talking about Sudan. Don’t stop talking about Congo.

I do sort of feel bad for prominent journalists in times like this because they feel like they have to say something really but can’t come up with anything profound. lots of people just defaulting and posting like “this is one of the most historic times in history”

ㅤ