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Jacket drying............... Your jacket is dry.

Great gig in Germany. We got a night off on Monday so we have passes to see Europe (the band). Should be good.

Day off in Munich on tour, lunch at the hard rock, guest pass to Europe gig, now a curry house... ...if I had my wife it would be perfect.

The man who put the Caps Lock key next to the letter "A" has died. His funerAL WILL BE HELD A WEEK ON WEDNESDAY

What? There has been terror attack? I'll get the coloured lights for the landmarks. #kneejerkreaction

After Paris attacks, weapons manufacturers’ stocks soar thkpr.gs/3723107

@paizybones Remember this guy? Not sure why I've got one of his picks.

If you're a professional law enforcement officer who can't perform a traffic stop without killing someone, it's time for a new profession.

I don't think University of North Texas thought this through.

If 'awesome mix vol2' is as good as 'awesome mix vol1' then GOTG2 can't fail.

If I painted my Mrs right boob green & the other red - then put on my 3D glasses, would it look like one huge 3D tit

Just watched Eddie the Eagle! Great to see Jo Hartley in a movie with Hugh Jackman .

It is with great sadness we report the passing of actor Bill Paxton. scified.com/news/aliens-ac… #RIPBillPaxton #BillPaxton

No one can keep a straight face at #PopKnobInFanny Keith Chegwin

Marvel: ‘Infinity War is the most ambitious crossover in history’ Me: