Kidneys are just body Britas

Me: So Christ’s body is the bread? Priest: yes Me: and he rose from the grave Priest: yes... Me: because of the yeast? Priest: no Me: okay, none of this makes sense

trying to spell restaurant on the first try

I knew Lil Sebastian made it to the Good Place.

Congratulations Schmidt and CeCe

*turns the bus lights on* Coach: We are 15 minutes away start calling/texting your parents. Me:

Uber should do a special this month called OctUber where every driver must dress in full skeleton costume so we can feel like Marnie taking a taxi in Halloweentown