RT Neil Kramer: In case birth control is ever made illegal in this country, I am doing my part by sitting with my too hot laptop on my lap.

RT Marla Rosenthal: I need tips on how to communicate with an idiot, because I clearly suck at it.

RT NotKennyRogers: If everyone is so poor, how exactly did we spend $60 million this weekend on movies starring Nicolas Cage and The Rock?

Boo hoo!

White & Nerdy youtu.be/N9qYF9DZPdw

I'm very white. And very nerdy.

RT @BrianSipprell: Do not disturb. Having an intimate relationship with my pizza.

RT @TweetsofOld: A great many of you are dull, and you know it. MI1888

RT Tyler Coates: I can't wait to vomit in the Bahamas.

RT L L: 45 Hot Spam Russians Started following me

RT SpiritualNurse Sandy: A man can fail many times, but he isn't a failure until he begins to blame somebody else ~ Unknown

RT NKR Sports & Entertainment: Hey Kanye, what's the IQ of your new girlfriend? bit.ly/IE1tQu

RT Chris Taylor 🖋️: OH: "so she said 'I saw your pickles on Instagram.'"

RT Sam Landman: Pssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss - drip... #HilariousPeeingNoises

RT Grandad J Freeman: Right now, one of our future presidents is watching Jersey Shore in a mustard-stained Justin Bieber t-shirt.

RT melody joy kramer (@[email protected]): I'm going to create a startup to measure how popular you are offline. It will be called High School.

RT HuffPost: Man sues anesthesiologist over penis amputation huff.to/LeJCAP

RT ▲ rainydayboysclub: "i don't do drugs, but i do coke sometimes" - every rich white person.

RT Political Letters: Dear Hollywood Directors: Stop making films about rich lifestyles while millions of citizens are impoverished.

RT Grandad J Freeman: Oh, you're at Starbucks? Please upload a picture of your coffee.