I know I’m the only ding dong still watching MasterChef Australia but last night they managed to do a whole episode around native foods without mentioning indigenous Australians ONCE! Disgusting shit!

Not to mention they were cooking for Prince Charles. Like fuck. Yuck yuck yuck.

Not a Tiger at all: A Review of Krissy Kneen's "Wintering", by Madeleine Laing ping: Kris Kneen (they/them) Madeleine Laing Text Publishing ow.ly/PyGB30mymwH

When I'm cooking at the cafe it feels rude to yell 'backs!' or 'behind!' so I just whisper 'I'm behind you' and everyone is very comfortable

Still waiting for the one. The one female-centric TV show that's gonna empower me to ask my boss to stop calling me 'homie'.

Me: Checks twitter to see if some ugly man has an opinion of my writing they've never read or heard. I am not an author, get fucked cunt. x.com/mucasso/status…

Finally, a gang for me, someone with $70 and the inability to skateboard msn.com/en-au/news/aus…

"Police are liaising with parents who have been arriving at Kangaroo Point to collect their children."

Old hero: Mum New hero: boss at my temp job who keeps a 6pack of room temp vanilla Pepsi maxes on her desk and drinks them all one by one every day.

These women admired me, and I'm sorry I granted their greatest wish by taking my extremely talented dick out in front of them. I should've waited until it was their birthday, and I apologize for that.

work year can't end until you've screamed 'run me THE FUCK OVER' at a car that beeps at you to hurry up while you're crossing the street

At the bottle shop - Steve: this is the last six pack I'm gonna buy. Me: ... oh right well I guess I support your deci- Steve: Cases only from now on!

Still waiting for one thinkpeice to acknowledge ‘youse’ as a gender neutral term, you classist cunts!

In hindsight I might not have tried to big dog everyone in my first bikram yoga class by going '40 degrees?? I'm from BRISBANE, that's BRISK might bring a CARDIGAN ha ha ha' if I'd known I was gonna throw up in the bin halfway through.

You: Wow ‘Torn’ is a cover Me: all Antarctic exploration is a cover for maintaining still-alive Hitler’s nazi alien research centre.

I'd like the hot yoga a lot more if I didn't have the ability to distinguish ball sweat by smell.

This white boy band at the night markets has everything; cover of hey ya, changing pronoun in stormy weather from ‘man’ to ‘girl’, $3000 guitars.

Confusing that people have white sheets now because you can eat in bed like three times a day but only fuck twice a month, biologically.

Breakthrough with my new coworker today as we both agreed salad dressing was ‘mad good’.

Steve: cops who found that golden state killer guy using his family’s dna must have finally watched ‘Who shot Mr Burns’.