Thing is, if he goes, every TV company on planet earth has to swear SWEAR swear they won't let him on any entertainment formats. I don't want to see him goggle boxing, or reading an autocue while comedians laugh either side, if he bakes one damn thing in a tent I will burn it all

Good morning - I regret to inform you that we have extended the y-axis

BREAKING: Thousands of work events reported across the UK.

If you wouldn't employ him as an ACTUAL caretaker - scared he'd lock himself out of the house or fuck a mop - then I'm not sure "caretaker Prime Minister" is gonna fly.

On what planet does anyone seriously think Truss is a plausible candidate to manage a whelk stall let alone run a country?

In a triumph for diversity, our next Prime Minister will either be someone who studied PPE at Lincoln College, Oxford, or someone who studied PPE at Merton College, Oxford.

Millions being spent on the Queen’s death while thousands are homeless, on food banks & millions in #CostOfLivingCrises when Tory Govt says no money tree! Her personal worth is $500m+ & Royal Family assets worth $28 billion. We pay our own funerals why can’t her estate pay hers?

I’ve kept my mouth shut until now about the Queen and everything surrounding it, but I’ve just seen that stewards are giving out blankets to people in The Queue and I’m appalled. Where is this care and concern for the thousands of homeless people sleeping on those same streets?

Some Tory on #r4today: "no other developed economy has a top tax rate as high as 45%" 🇮🇹 43% 🇩🇪 45% 🇫🇷 45% 🇪🇸 45% 🇳🇱 49.5% 🇸🇪 52.9% 🇩🇰 55.9% He wasn't lying. He just didn't know, and his natural arrogance led him to say whatever he thought was right when really he had no clue.

Possibly the greatest moment in the Today programme’s history courtesy of Miriam Margolyes.

The truth is you only book Miriam Margolyes to be live on air if you are either hoping she says something outrageous, or are a new producer who has never seen her on anything before. 😂😂

A moment please, to appreciate that in our country, someone can call a member of the cabinet 'B*ASTARD' on national radio, and presenters just politely apologise and moved on. She will not be imprisoned, beaten or executed. Long live free speech. Quite a thing. #miriammargolyes

Still not sorry. In fact, she’s laughing. There is no mandate for any of this. #GeneralElectionNow

Liz Truss - Gone. Lettuce - Romaine.

General. Election. Now. Or take to the streets …. Five Prime Ministers in six years. Just fuck off. All of them

It has been stitched up between Sunak, Hunt and Mordaunt. They have no right to treat our entire democratic foundations as a plaything for their wretched, rotten, useless party. General election now.

I wonder if picking up three months taxpayer-funded severance payment for getting sacked from a job you did for a few weeks and then getting the job back six days later is the kind of thing a Tory government might want to crack down upon. What a shower of absolute charlatans

To cut through all the whataboutery, how about this as a base criteria? There shouldn’t be a World Cup anywhere that wouldn’t hold a Women’s World Cup.