Costco would be nicer if they gave free alcohol samples.

Never go shopping somewhere else, then go to Costco. You ALWAYS feel like an idiot.

Every so often, I want to get really fat, just so I can use the electric carts at the store. They look like fun.

When I was a child, I thought being a grown up meant knowing what you were doing. I guess it was one more lie grownups told us.

Started watching Breaking Bad this week. I'm in the middle of season 2. Is it normal to hate Skyler?

You know you are married when you don't flinch during her period conversations.

I haven't been able to sleep. Then it occurred to me, my eldest daughter starts high school today. 'Nuff said.

No matter how you slice it, it's still 5 am. Ugh.

Why does seeing a BMW in the McDonalds drive thru please me?

My son dislocated his finger while trying to stand up. I've been getting up my whole life, and not even a hang nail. What am I doing right?

Bill Barnwell Our quest to be wrong about absolutely everything continues.

Up 17 to 0, and I'm still nervous. #ChicagoBears

And there it is. Think I'm nauseous. #ChicagoBears

At 43, I'm at an event with my mother and feel like a total child.

Forgot to mention, nearly every one here is 70 or older.

This is one of those events my Dad would love.

I really miss my Dad.

Right. Forgot to mention, I'm at Herb Jefferies 100th birthday celebration.

Google him. Then it will make sense.

In honor of tonight's premiere of the #AndreTheGiant doc on HBO, we're partnering with our friends at Roots Of Fight to give away some incredible Andre the Giant merchandise. Retweet & follow for a chance to win. (Winners will be selected at random.)