When my meetings get cancelled

If you have an Amazon package delivered starting 7 December, go to your Alexa and say, “Alexa, thank my driver.” They get a $5 bonus, at no cost to you!

A reminder: America has no higher minimum wage, no extended child tax credits, and no voting rights protections because of Kyrsten Sinema.

Elon Musk is deleting accounts that post this video of him being booed for 10 minutes last night at a Dave Chapelle show. He can’t delete us all. Retweet while you still can.

This is very much a casual boost, but I’m negative $40 on my PayPal and we still have a bunch of bills left this month so if you ARE looking for gift ideas, my writer shop or our embroidery business (LaurieMakes.com) both contain great products and gift cards!

Turns out she probably would’ve taken these tips back after

Pronouncing Nudity like Crudités

My baby scratches the wall and giggles when I change his diaper and it just occurred to me what a deeply creepy experience that must be for our neighbors

Honorable mention to Denmark, for being able to yell and look bored at the same time

Okay Monkeypaw Productions and Jordan Peele…hear me out. #M33GAN

Yayayayay!! My fellow soup-aficionado and Twitter friend @Audrey_Burges wrote a FREAKING NOVEL!! Get it now!!

Me in my 20’s: *using sulfuric acid to strip oil out of my pores* ugh so shinyyyy Me in my 30’s: *violently shoving moisturizer into every pore* plz shiny plz

The first person to discover popcorn must’ve thought they were losing their absolute fucking mind

Bury me in one of my many pink bubble wrap Glossier bags

I actually like my boobs MORE after breastfeeding. They have a lot more character. It’s a character played by Droopy Von UnevenNips, but still

Nothing prepares you for the deep lunge your baby takes when you’re trying to air out a diaper rash

The Zara website is truly ridiculous. I’m trying to see pants and they’re like “Wait— have you ever contemplated death in a hazy meadow”

Damn, I need exercise. Sorry, an EXORCISM. I need an exorcism.

I think if I hold out for one more week Hello Fresh will literally come to my door and cook all their food for free for the next 5 years