Nora needs a Christmas sweater for a performance and buying one online is confusing. “That one? Oh, it’s labeled Ugly Christmas. Oops. Haha, that one is hilarious- oh, wait, I think it’s supposed to be a real one...” I can’t tell what’s true anymore.

If I don't use at least one emoji in a text, I read it back and feel like I kinda sound like a jerk.

I asked Ellie what song she would like to hear. She said,"The one with the little girl. With no make-up."😳🤔🤷🏻‍♀️

Ah! She meant Suddenly Seymour- 🎶"You don't need no make up." x.com/laurenteague/s…

It's normal to spend 20 minutes typing and editing a reply to someone on Twitter or Instagram, right?

Pinterest on the left, mine on the right. #nailedit

When ur cleaning out the kitchen &see this on the top shelf, but you're about an inch too short. "Ooh, what's that? The Complete Book of..."

Once again, thank you, Toy Story. Purging my kids' toys was never a fun chore but now it's a GUT-WRENCHING GUILT TRIP.

Me packing up the kitchen: "Oh, yeah, we own a wok!"

Last day of packing before moving: And YOU get to go in a miscellaneous box! And YOU get a miscellaneous box! And YOU! #misc

Whenever someone starts off, "If you know me at all, then you know...", I never know whatever comes next.

Kids: Can we ______? What I say: We might. What my kids hear: Consider this my solemn blood oath that we will absolutely, 100% do that.

Heeey, Buddy...I’m sure the nut gathering season is stressful & all, and this may be contemplative moment, but could you just scooch a bit..

“Need a red? Me, me, pick me! Ha HA! Fooled you again. Enjoy the random pink!” - Violet Red

I knew Kevin McCallister’s dad was rich but I didn’t know he was Had-An-iPhone-Back-in-1992 Rich.

Ellie sounded very upset and asked what happened to her foot as she showed me this. I thought she maimed her toe/made it explode and I was all 😱🤭🤢😱. It turned out she stepped on some strawberry pieces that fell from the baby’s high chair.

😭😭😭 x.com/fox32news/stat…

I bought way, way too many balloons for Anna’s 1st birthday and keep thinking of ways to try use as many as possible. It’s gettin out of hand. So I’m singing “A Million Dreams” on repeat to reassure myself. 🎶I don’t care, I don’t care if they call me crazy...🎵

Nothing like a little The Greatest Showman on spring break Hugh Jackman @kealasettle

Nora was about to reach right into a clump of poison ivy while looking for honeysuckle. In a total panic, I forgot the name of it and the closest I could get was, “NO! PINEAPPLE!” She thought it was hilarious and has since been randomly yelling, “Pineapple!” every few minutes.