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Nothing like leftover wedding cake and reading @BaruchelNDG tweets at 2:30AM to make you think about buying a plethora of cats.

Sleeping in. Staying up late. Watching nonstop Netflix. Eating various foods. If I don't go back to work soon my brain is going to atrophy.

I said you smelled good. It's a compliment. The world is gonna be a hard place to live in if one can't even casually sniff their co-workers.

I wouldn't want invisibility or the ability to fly. I would make pot roast instantaneous and not take seven hours in my damn crock pot. :D

It's illegal for me to leave my home now. This will obviously have a noticeable impact on my life.

Eff this weather. Eff it to heck.

You don't know true pain until you tweeze your own eyebrows.

I think I'll eat butter drowned popcorn that makes my arteries cry and then crash. What a life I live...

My soul is full of butts.