unfollowed trump on twitter but i keep checking his feed like he’s an ex-girlfriend

I’ve come to the conclusion that Pimp My Ride was a hoax because i’ve never seen any of those cars on the road

who (me) would ever buy a used couch? that’s pretty much like buying used farts

Eddie Vedder on ‘The Howard Stern Show’: 6 Things We Learned bit.ly/2TM3XLd

mazel tov!

wish you could speed up a piss like you can speed up a podcast

asked grandma for OLD movie recommendations and all she came up with was the spy next door

Greg Berlanti re-teaming with 'Supergirl' writer for CW space drama thr.cm/0AeHgBe

appreciate autocorrect but let me AT LEAST attempt to try and spell “intelligence” without help

be excellent to each other

the best thing about the gamestop surge is that it’s all in the name. reddit looks at it like a game and wall street wants it to stop.

while waiting for the covid-19 vaccine a woman said to me “don’t get it you’ll be a zombie” as she was picking up a prescription for xanax

the yankees have stricter rules for their players regarding hair policy than they do about their tolerance for domestic violence

some guy at the DMV asked for a new license plate because they gave him one that had KKK and 666 on it. I guess he was left with this decision: go to the DMV or get a trump sticker.

still unclear if the eagles want us to take it easy or take it to the limit

doctors are artists and artists are doctors

i’m sure the absence of proof pop up was successful but there’s not an absence of proof in terms of the team winning this year. sell sell sell Steven Cohen New York Mets

🚨 GIVEAWAY 🚨 RETWEET this post for your chance to win a signed Gary, Keith & Ron baseball! Tune-in to watch the best booth in baseball as the Mets take on the Yankees in a Subway Series showdown in The Bronx. Coverage begins Tuesday and Wednesday at 6:30 p.m. on SNY.

a day after the mets lost the NLCS i’m back at the dentist for a checkup for 3 teeth i fractured from a fall citi field in 2021. things may be looking up for the team but my dentist says my nightly teeth grinding is caused my stress, so i guess the pain never sleeps.