Weekend-styled ukulele practice with boyfren (closing time by Semisonic)

Kitten's safest spot! 🤗❤

Can Elon Musk buy Fox News next

this is actually an amazing and hilarious week to be on twitter as long as you are not a person who’s professionally obligated to care about “brand safety”

Dear England, What the fuck Sincerely, Aaron

darth™ Hi Darth I just met this good boy Toby and thought you might need to see him

Saving for later.

Dear Teachers, As some of you may know, if you have any students in your class who identify as Christian, they may ask to be excused from school to observe the Christian holiday of “Christmas,” more popularly referred to as Yom Christmas or Nittel. 1/x

Jorts merch needs some more doctor care. And he’s named Butter! cc Jorts (and Jean)

The Dogs of 2022

Hey sorry if I didn’t reply to you. I felt weird so I have been spending most of my time in this box

So my co worker just said: "You shouldn’t eat red meat!" I said: "My grandfather lived to be 100yrs old." He said: "Did he eat red meat?" I said: "No, he minded his own business."

British citizen…military background…looking for work in the U.S. Could it be-?

It was believed in medieval times that hedgehogs had spikes so they could roll over fruit to carry home to their children, which is not true but is a really cute idea

We’ve had 46 U.S. Presidents, and they’ve been indicted on a total of 71 felony counts. Here’s how it breaks down: 1-44: 0 45: 71 46: 0