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Fuck yo' selfie stick.

Turds of Misery. #theberry

I put on a bra!! This hangover will not win.

How I feel on a Friday ...

Anyone else feel like they're in a Mexican Standoff at stoplights with all red lights??

I think the world would be a better place if mistake was pronounced "mis-tah-key". Am I wrong??

Who delivers burritos?? Serious question.

A guy named "Ah Pu" was arrested last night. The real question is "did he say that at the time of arrest?" Bahahahaha!!

Who is Luke and why is he in charge of determining a water temperature??

brainboost.com/article Number 1 is quite clearly Dr. Evil. Track down Scott Evil and you'll have your man. C'mon FBI, this isn't hard.

That awkward moment when you can't find a polite way to tell your roommate to Shut. The. Fuck. Up.

I want ice cream. Truth.

I have a new found HATE for my bra. #sunburn #ouch #aloe

My heart hurts.

If anyone needs me I'll be at Barnes and Noble buying ESPN's 2016 Body Issue.

The thing you have to remember when you call a bitch crazy is that she'll usually show you.

I never said apathy was a turn-on. #apathysucks #lazyfucker

Sheet mask and Pinto Grigio. Or as I like to call it: Dinner.

Frieda is my new favorite on #OITNB5

Haven't had a period in months. Months!! Put on a white bathing suit and guess who shows the fuck up.