Trump’s about to lose the 2020 election because he pissed off Missouri twitter and I’m 100% here for it

Saying you’re going to caucus: -Unimaginative -Predictable -Implies you have too much free time Saying you’re convincing legions of men to join your world-altering quest: -Inspiring -Highlights the sacred nature of voting -Might’ve been said by Joan of Arc?

Iowa Clawcus

As Rush Limbaugh joins the ranks of Medal of Freedom recipients such as Rosa Parks, Helen Keller and Martin Luther King Jr., lets dive into some of his most notable quotes that truly highlight the kind of man Trump chooses to honor. #SOTU

The year is 2021. President VoteBlueNoMatterWho is in office. You have affordable healthcare and no student loans. No world leader has openly mocked the POTUS. The South hasn’t risen again. Planters has officially filed for bankruptcy after the Baby Nut debacle. Life is good.

Sure, being single on Valentine’s Day sucks but at least you aren’t dating a Trump supporter.

Chuck Todd: So what are your thoughts on Mayor Bloomberg? Amy Klobuchar: He’s a racist. Bernie Sanders: He’s a billionaire who bought his way on to stage. Liz Warren: Mike Bloomberg is a bigoted piece of shit and here’s a 102-point itemized list as to why. In this essay, I wi

Biden, Buttigieg, & Klobuchar: Billionaires are an unfortunate side effect of capitalism Sanders: I will keep fighting billionaires Warren: I will straight up murder a billionaire on live TV if Bloomberg shows up to the next debate

CC: Why is Warren is running for President? Warren: Well, I want to be President of the United States CC: You have to wonder what her end game is Warren: To be President of th- CC: Such a mystery. Anyway, Steyer’s polling at 2%. Let’s talk about how he’s still in this race!

I don’t know if I’m more excited for Pete Buttigieg’s Senate campaign in 2022 or Amy Klobuchar moving to Indiana just so she can make him lose 2 times in a row.

Tonight proved that Joe Biden is the the coleslaw of the Democratic Presidential Primary. It’s nobody’s favorite & it’s not exciting, but you know exactly what you’re getting. And also, people in the South apparently really fucking love coleslaw

Y’all, the women who ran for President in 2020 were phenomenal. Elizabeth Warren had a plan for everything. Amy Klobuchar spoke to the working class. Kirsten Gillibrand fought for underrepresented issues. Tulsi Gabbard Kamala Harris always reached across the party.

There is nothing more satisfying than seeing a bunch of rich oligarchs prioritize their stocks over giving everyone healthcare losing billions of dollars in a week because they prioritized their stocks over giving everyone healthcare.

Two bros, chilling in a hot tub, 6 feet apart cuz they’re not going to ignore CDC guidelines about social distancing

If your economic system only succeeds because people die in sacrifice to it, it’s a really shitty economy system.

Why people are pushing #VoteBlueNoMatterWho? I mean, other than healthcare, welfare, LGBTQ+ rights, women’s rights, climate conservation, economic stability, gun control, education reform, immigration reform, judicial nominees, & combatting fascism, how’re the parties different?

Watching Mutiny on the Bounty and rooting for Captain Bligh is like watching 101 Dalmatians and rooting for Cruella DeVille, or watching Friends and rooting for any of them.

You have $15 to build your perfect quarantine lifestyle: Baking bread - $7 Catching up on Netflix - $2 Healthy diet and exercise - $18 Panic attack - $1 each Reasonable alcohol consumption- $23 Yelling at the TV screen while Trump continues to lie to the American people - Free

Parks and Rec is a natural continuation of the Matt Santos presidency in West Wing change my mind

Trump: The less Americans we let vote, the better. Pence: The fewer. Trump: Shh. Don’t call me that yet.