Why is it that when my dog eats something crunchy l find it cute yet when my fella does it I want to murder him with a flip flop?

Fuck anxiety. Why can’t I just have a normal conversation with someone without spending hours thinking they hate me 🙄

My bank account reminding me it’s been fucked from both ends and it’s not even the middle of the month.

I’m not smiling at you though. Im smiling at your dog.

I really hope there’s a gardener out there somewhere called Big Dig Energy.

Love this time of year, lattes, boots, warm jumpers and getting your fucking corneas burned off by some bastard LED headlights.

Fuck it, I’m breaking open the Quality Street.

That’s me retiring!

Has anyone ever genuinely won anything from Vodafone rewards? I always get the “better luck next time” bollocks.

Oh dear 🤣🤣

Oh fuck off.

Someone tell me why the fuck I have to pay £3.69 for a loaf of bread just because I can’t eat wheat.

How weird is it having THAT dream about someone you haven’t seen in years? All flustered and shit.

Be great if one of these seagulls dropped 20k in my lap instead of half a rock hard crusty baguette.

Ummm…

So basically they want you to drop yourself in it at work by letting your boss know there’s a reference request coming only to then find out if you get the job or not? Wtf.

Finally got to see a T&O consultant after years of waiting. He told me to lose weight and try getting a bicycle. I’m a size 8 and can’t even get in the bath with severe osteoarthritis in both hips. Never felt so deflated.

Good god Debenhams customer service is just the worst. Ordered a rise/recliner chair to help with my osteoarthritis. We were delivered a dressing table. Do you think we can get them to reply to the issue? Can we fuck.