#tired

Stray dogs in Moscow have learned to use the city's subway system. They get on and off their required stops.

Don't be that guy who gets a girlfriend and never hangs out with his bros again.

"Bum > boobs" Oh shut up, you don't see girls tweeting 'ballsack > bellend'.

The late night grind

"You took my daughters virginity!" "I'm sorry, sir. It won't happen again."

do u ever get so zoned into ur music that u forget ur staring at someones dick or that ur walking in a crowded hallway or that life is real

Barry Roux deliberately said 'did you sleep with Oscar that night' in an ambiguous manner to make her feel embarrassed. Poes.

If a robber ever breaks in, I'll just pretend to be one too, and we'll laugh and hug and then he'll leave because I have first dibs.

Roux is something else

Tony Stark has over 50 different Iron Man suits, including a “Thorbuster” and a “Hulkbuster” made just for battle against Thor and the Hulk.

The ANC's response to Nkandla will be like yolo and the zombies will still put an x in the same box.

I would love some car sex. ...or just sex. ...or just a car.