bet this book's a lot of fun

I always felt calling them “rocks” makes ice seem less cool

half watching something on netflix at work, keep getting distracted by how much this kid looks like peter hitchens

hadn’t heard this one for ages, made by yours truly in a kitchen in muswell hill back in the snowy and lonely and still continuing winter of 2010

O slugs and snails, why not attend a "work in progress" of my new show "am/pm" on the 23rd of March!! eventbrite.com/e/johnny-white… It'll be a good one I can say that with absolute certainty !

feel like this is like saying "can you imagine making anything this amazing" and it being a picture of some lasagne

Good god in heaven , why not do me an honour and come to see my new show before it lays waste to the summer and is forevermore inaccessible to the general public ! eventbrite.com/e/johnny-white…

I will be leaving the stage in mouldering (but not smoldering) ashes tonite in camden along with some more well thought out sets by other people . get yourselves along ! dice.fm/partner/dice/e…

Still very much on the lookout for crowd participants for this , get yourselves down you can come early and get a pizza . Just say to yourself “why not”

Somber stuff from ladbible

I like that phone camera comedy where it’s like a character who is obsessed with one particular thing like “person who has just got into wild swimming” and they keep bringing up wild swimming, even interjecting into off camera conversations to talk about it

Get yourselfs up or down to Edinburgh In august ! And have a watch of my new show 🧐🐬😶‍🌫️ edfringe.com/tickets/whats-…

You literally cannot make up my luck....

*laughing to self in pub* Friend:What is it ? Me:Sorry—I’m just thinking about this really funny fact!

In the shadow of the living room

My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy

I’m doing a new weekly story subscription service ! And here is one for free so you can see if it’s up your street! open.substack.com/pub/johnnywhit…