gimme one margarita....

Max. One week since you entered this world. You’re definitely my kid because the only way to calm you down is to play innerbloom by Rufus. Welcome to earth lil one. We love you

these are so addicting 🥲

Autozone: Is it all wheel drive or 2? Me: Look sir I got 4 wheels on the car 😐

a woman yesterday asked me since I’m bald, when I’m washing my face, how far back do I go before I stop.

Me

smoothie season is coming to a close & it's about time for oatmeal season

Me listening to GUTS

croisshark

I love love love living in Oregon, but I can't with the fucking bugs. Living in a temperate rainforest... the amount of bugs & the size of them I see daily ... THE VARIETY OF BUGS I ENCOUNTER DAILY!!! I'm not strong enough 🥲

Bro wtf ... Take Care of Maya documentary on Netflix was gut wrenching. Wtf. This poor family and all the others out there currently going through something similar 😭

Bruh it feel like it’s 14pm

Finally score a pass to the Nike company store where you get 40-50 % off of anything in the store including new drops 😩 I feel like I'm going to Disneyland 😂

the gossip girl thanksgiving episode where everyone got exposed while whatcha say by jason derulo is playing, that’s history.

leaving my house w only apple pay n my crocs

I thought #Yellowstone was some cutesy western show starring Kevin Costner... I'm on episode 3 & already traumatized... I can't believe half of the things I've seen on this show 🥲

…how the fuck am I ever gonna learn 31 new songs worth of lyrics

the collective “awww” when her hat fell 😭😭😭

you craved discontinued items 324 times this year

Sorry if my kid growled at you at Costco this morning he just gets really excited