A busy mind is a happy mind, and if your mind isn't busy enough, we have drugs to make it happier. -HR dept

A good workplace is a lot like a body: 1 weak organ could take down the whole thing. Therefore 2.5 weak organ limit per employee. -HR

An employee's lunch can tell you a lot about them. This is why you should not eat anything at all. Secrets are powerful -HR

We accept that all employees have some skeletons in their closet. If so, can they work weekends? What's their reanimation policy? -HR

The company limo is for top sellers only. Looks like you should be doing some more backstabbing and eavesdropping, to ride in style -HR

People are complaining that the 'Mandatory Work Pills' taste like Adderall. They're merely Adderall FLAVORED. Now eat them. -HR

There is nothing wrong with the new workplace sentinels. They just require your timecards to show 100-hour work weeks in order to exit

Your company laptop's webcam is not secretly recording you and uploading it to the EmployeeDeathmatch server. What are you talking about?

Family members are no longer allowed on IMD premises. We are your new family now. This 'new family' upgrade employee benefit will be taxed

Rather than questioning if those subliminal voices are real, why not start listening to them? -HR dept

Avoid killing spiders in your workplace. They may outrank you. Consult the Creature Power Structure Chart to be certain of who does.

You cannot delete your browser history. It belongs to us. Instead, we'll review and discuss it in length at your weekly check-ins. -HR

IMD assures you that you do NOT hear that crying child. It's not there.You're just tired & should work harder. There's no baby to rescue.

You should constantly be proving yourself at every moment. You are being judged. This is all a test. Are you answering correctly?

The beanbag chairs in the lounge may SEEM like repurposed spine-less former employees, but aren't. Don't begin showing laziness though

We've seen that thing following you. It's not your shadow. It's much more than that, but we can help. -HR dept

You're expected to watch all 17 orientation videos, but efficiency is key. Please watch all of the videos at once to save subjugation time

Family, friends, and extracurriculars are all great bargaining chips to help keep you in check. The more you have, the more we do too

IMD incubation chambers are great ways to recharge and metamorphosize into a better you. Operation KAFKA is almost always a success.

You've done great work with the tests you've passed today. Yes, there were tests. And there's more coming. Stay calm. Everyone's watching