This wood pigeon has a bad leg and limps. He often comes and just sits on our bird house being fat and glorious. I love him. Scoots wants to eat him, but thankfully we have one-way film so he can't see her oogling at him. I'm going to try to build him a shelter

Look, we need to talk. You keep saying the same thing and I can't listen to it anymore. I appreciate the sentiment, really I do, but you have to know you're wrong. You're just wrong. I am not, and if I'm honest, really never have been, on a roll on LinkedIn.

If the law of attraction works, how come I haven't been able to manifest getting it to fuck all the way off to woo-woo land with homeopathy

"The most impressive people I know have strong beliefs about the world, which is rare in the general population. If you find yourself always agreeing with whomever you last spoke with, that’s bad. You will of course be wrong sometimes, but develop the confidence to stick with

About a million years ago, my sister and I had a teenage boy for a babysitter. One evening, we were both quietly doing our own thing when he jumped up, visibly startled, and said "did one of you just say 'oi'"? Neither of us had said "oi" and we expressed this. Undeterred,

It's a little known fact that the most dangerous profession is builder's nan. Once you've paid the deposit, those ladies die every week

Cats that arrived at the shelter recently: Maple & Pine, siblings rescued from the street but had to leave new home because child is allergic Lady Jane, bred for kittens then thrown out before they were old enough to be independent, riddled with fleas & worms & bone thin...

Nominative determinism strikes again bbc.co.uk/news/articles/…