Fell asleep at my keyboard after the 2008 budget. Just woken up by current idiots in gov @-ing me. it's 2019 and Twitter is still going! Anything else happen?

I had a crate of Moldovan Cabernet Sauvignon lass night - twas bitchin'

in ur Red Lion only having one - honest (yeah I no thats wot i sed last time but for real cos i gots work todo l8r)

oh man, pissed again - it's all milliband's fault goin' offline now. oh man!

dude, I am totally off my face - ed is trying to fix me up with a drag queen. never drinking southern comfort again

ouch my head

next time i twitter from the Red Lion, come over the road and get me out...

if you iz fiddlin' from liechtenstein, be afraid - we iz onto you http://tinyurl.com/3x4j85

strugglin' - ne1 got neurofen? (& anusol pls)

being followed by peopel I don't kno - scary. btw still on that anusol hunt ne1?

tryin' 2 think of good giveaways for March 12 - any ideas twittermates?

lookin' at followers and thinkin' we may do well with a hair tax Sam Michel and Helen Keegan might have to move to Jersey

walkin off dis hangova in st james's park - den over da Lion for a swiftie just im'd miliband - he's gone home da litew8

also reconsiderin' hair tax now iv seen wot Antony Mayfield & @lloyddavis look like irl

just in with a kebab - those nobby styles are killin' in this cold

god these sums are hard - sorry, I've been away - it's not easy running the entire economy of the United Kingdom practically single-handed

phew - today's the day... (absolutely shitting myself) give.me.more.whiskey.

ok, my bowels are completely empty and I've thrown up 3 times already. time for a quick bacon sandwich I think - anyone coming to Da House?

seems to be going pretty well so far. thank god for laphroaig and ibuprofen.

btw I think the best twitter coverage is MickFealty - good ole slugger