Our retention plan for junior faculty is to overburden them with service work so they can’t publish their way out of here.

Poodle battle of the day: One poodle barks at the door. Other poodle gets up from preferred spot to participate in the barking. Original barker steals preferred spot. Ad infinitum.

Some man in the grocery store called me a good girl, and I successfully resisted the urge to reply, “That’s Dr. Good Girl.”

My husband does not find my stock market pick up lines funny.

Why do we vent? Now online E&HB: Venting about one mutual friend (the target) to another (the listener) can make the people we vent to prefer--and also preferentially support--us over the people we vent about A🧵on friends + Freud being wrong 👇sciencedirect.com/science/articl…

Political stances cost scientists their credibility with the public. Neutral scientists and their research are perceived as most credible to the public. To the left and the right of the politically neutral, credibility and engagement decrease monotonically for scientists with

Patiently waiting for the election to be over so I can go back to disliking y’all for humble bragging about grants instead of posting half-baked political opinions.

Quarterly metamorphosis from dog to long-legged weasel

I forgot to wear my wedding ring today, so I kept loudly asking my husband, “Are you going to tell your wife about us yet?” whenever we were in public settings

You probably already knew this (As a silent X user, I'm nervous posting anything serious): We analyzed data from 1.3 million ppl over 20 years. We found they're more concerned with what people think about them and less willing to defend beliefs publicly. online.ucpress.edu/collabra/artic…

Trying to make friends in academic circles by telling people how to download bootleg versions of statistical software. (IBM please don’t sue me; I have no money)

Zappa likes Mephisto much more than Mephisto likes Zappa.

Heard the Australian “breakdancer” at the Olympics had a PhD, so I read her dissertation. … am I missing something or is an autoethnography basically journaling with some citations added for flavor?

Good ideas survive being stated plainly.

Please do not confuse my tendency to give unsolicited life advice with actual training or expertise.

Researchers should stop paying to publish their papers. Tom Morgan and I wrote a short piece about it. 1/3 osf.io/preprints/osf/…

I’m just happy I’ll never be famous enough for people to accuse me of plagiarism.

Babe are you my 2008 social psychology book because you seem fascinating but I know I cannot trust you

Accidentally thought about construct validity and gave myself existential dread

In other news, one of my dogs is now afraid of going outside because he was stung by a bee