sneezing on day 1 of your period

when I’m on the toilet during a zoom meeting & think I hear my name being called

me thinking I left my straightener on even tho I checked it 10 times before I left the house

getting a breaking news alert in January 2025

record label executives listening to Chappel Roan’s acceptance speech

waiter: enjoy your food me: you too

Drake watching Kendrick’s acceptance speech

Friendly reminder, your ex’s IG story is none of your business today. Protect your peace, not your curiosity. You have absolutely nothing to gain from checking. (Unless you know for a fact they’re single/dating someone uglier than you in which case ONLY look from your burner)

moment of silence for Hulu’s social media manager tonight

“For the last time I did not text classified WAR PLANS into the group chat. It was a BOMBING ITINERARY. Stop spreading misinformation.”-Pete Hegseth trying to explain himself

you guys Pete Hegseth just told me who let the dogs out but I can’t say

remember when they tried to tell us scrolling on our silly little TikTok’s was the national security threat lololol

the internet really didn’t hold space for this one 😬

how my period cramps be hitting me

the ice machine in our office was broken today and I refuse to believe that was a coincidence.

I AM OFFICIALLY DECLARING A CEASEFIRE BETWEEN THE HEAT AND THE HUMIDITY YOU CAN NOW BE OUTSIDE FOR UP TO 4 HOURS WITHOUT LOOKING LIKE A CHIA PET. NOW IS THE TIME TO END FRIZZ. THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER.

I AM DECLARING A CEASEFIRE BETWEEN FOLLOWERS AND NON-FOLLOWERS. EVERYONE CAN JUST START FOLLOWING ME. NOW IS THE TIME FOR PEACE! THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER.

how it feels showing up to the office after commuting in a NYC heatwave

NYC heatwave really had me getting ready for an hour only to commute to the office lookin sweatier than Moo Deng

new Halloween costume just dropped