Man w/clipboard: You look like you want to save some bees! Me: Nooo, no, not me, the bee community hates me. Man: 🤨

Took 10 days off of work to do a staycation in LA and my co-worker asked if I brought him a souvenir, did you want a magnet from the walk of fame? We work down the street from it 😭

This guy unfollowed me once he got a gf and then requested to follow me again once they broke up. Regret not realizing he did that sooner bc he’s been DM-ing me nonstop and I lost my chance to mutually unfollow and slip away scot-free !!!

Quit my job! Twisted my ankle. Never a dull moment here

Having hot Cheetos puffs for breakfast and going on a 2.5mile run in 85 degree weather is one of the most psychotic things I’ve ever done 🤢

don’t sit next to me on an airplane I WILL READ YOUR TEXTS

I don't mourn white supremacists.

Not me thinking I lost my phone and looking for it while it’s in my hand 🥴🥴

I’m not usually a hater but can’t express how much I LOVE to “booooooooo” at a sporting event. Truly therapeutic

I denied a guy a dance at Short Stop and he whispered in my ear “I’m like the roaches ….. I’ll be back.” KING!!!!

This one time at work we asked the last (and lovely) table if they wanted to pick our closing song and they said YES. She chose Hawthorne Heights’ - Ohio is for Lovers lmaoooo

Retweet to manifest The Dodgers to beat the Blue Jays to win the World Series

Last night I had a table tip me $700 but god damn did they work me for it 😭

Drunk, eating egg rolls, watching Dodgers highlights… this is the life my ancestors wanted for me 🙏🏼

Me: I’ll just have a beer I’m not trying to go too crazy tonight *Jen orders me a beer and beer + shot for herself* Me: Oh is that a shot? I’ll take one too in that case What is my problem 🥴😤 (I just love fun)

I did Chop Suey! as my song during my family’s karaoke sesh - 3 other cousins joined in to sing with me and you know, what a wholesome activity

Was beefing the FUCK out of this table that I had and then they tipped me $900 so you know what, you guys are kind of alright

I dyed my hair back to a darker shade and my co-worker said it made my face look thinner/my features more defined. Had to tell him I had just accidentally gone too hard on my contour that day. Tough.

I’m truly obsessed with the pastry chef at work. She’s such a sweet angel and bakes us cookies every Sunday. What a diva!

Almost broke my wrist trying to open a jar of salsa :(