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would you stop holding onto an opinion if you found out the person you disliked most in the world shared it

if ur microwave needs to hear it: thanks but we want a BURRITO, not a cinder block with molten lava inside it

babysitting has puppy perks

uh since when was congress a polite term for sex???

get in there

ever since i was a little girl i wanted to retire

coworker got out of a date this weekend: event was on sunday & he felt too bad saying "i'm not feeling up for it" so on saturday night he sent the girl a photo from his hospital visit 3 years ago and edited the metadata/photo date/location & told her "i got in a car accident"

is the dubai chocolate good?

crazy the things we do to afford nibbling on little crumbles of artisanal organic cheese

why don’t mice make doors like this anymore? no pride of place smh

😳???

reply and i will tell you what crime we would commit together

don’t say i never made garlic chili sesame noodles for you because

reverse jeopardy time reply with an answer and i will ask

men love to be intimidated by a cute girl

i don't like twitter i just like thinking aloud silently

The only thing sweeter than having kittens is being a kitten