Never found a workout app that provides less helpful stats on your workout. Except perhaps, if you’re a zookeeper.

Hi Mariah Carey my love, I hear you’re coming to Brighton for Pride in August. If you need somewhere to stay, you’re welcome at mine. You’re also welcome to pop along to our pre-parade party for a sausage and bacon bap and unlimited champagne. RSVP x

Just finished Big Boys and my goodness did I ball my eyes out. What an hilarious and hugely heart tugging series 💕

Starting Monday right with a long, hot,sweaty… shoulder workout.

Ozzie left me a lovely birthday surprise this morning: diarrhoea all over the rug (not even a speck on the wipe clean wooden floor).

Where Hugh Grant when we need him?!

My Top 5 for #Eurovision2025 🇮🇪Ireland 🇪🇸Spain 🇩🇰Denmark 🇲🇹Malta 🇱🇺Luxembourg If the rumours are true about BBC Eurovision complaining about Malta and practically forcing disqualification, then they’re the ones serving “singing”.

This taxi driver has a picture of Jesus in his window who seems to be judging me for this evening’s antics in da club

Anyone looking for Hoopla weekend tix? We’ve a Groupla we don’t need: tixel.com/u/groupla

Hotel workout done. Time to explore Dublin - I think I’ve earned all the food and booze I’m about to consume ☘️

This is quite disgraceful Virgin Media ❤️ - and you want me to spend hours on the phone to you?! Can’t you just fix it?!

That Eurovision spin class was INTENSE. Fifteen 3 minute classics - thank goodness the music got me through it. Now to try and cool down in this heat. 🥵

My neighbour’s climax seemed to last forever this morning. He also had his windows wide open which sent the dog into a barking frenzy with the moans and groans billowing through the neighbourhood.

Happy birthday Ryan!!! Still as fabulous as ever as you edge towards 50 xx

Just got a pedi so I can go open toed to a fabulous garden party today and the little man seemed to take a shine to my legs and smothered them in baby oil. Coming back out into the heat is practically air frying them!!! Brit abroad lobster tinge incoming.

What an incredible holiday with these two absolute beauts 💕

Watching the tennis and it reminds me just how much I can’t believe how Lesley Ash never knew she’d be such a trend setter and was instead in bits 🐟👄